Post by pilbaradisco on Sept 27, 2013 16:02:49 GMT 8
said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous lady with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
Post by peterfitzgerald on Oct 25, 2013 23:13:06 GMT 8
Izzfar died setting a roadside bomb in Afgahistan he was run over run over by a M1 tank, indignant that he lobbed at the Pearly gates, demanded his 72 virgins immediately and wanted to see Mohummard straight away St Peter seeing a rash of these demands, ushered him to the big building on the left, go inside and see the first angel she will set you straight. Isfarr, stormed off, seeing the first angel he gave his demands, and was told to go up the stairs, up and up and up, he went, the stairs seemed to go for ever, until he came to a big door, in he baarged, and was met by God, are you Mohummard he saaid, No said the lord, but I will get him for you, with that the lord clapped his hands saying..........Mohummard......COFFEE FOR TWO.
Post by peterfitzgerald on Oct 30, 2013 13:53:21 GMT 8
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'f**k him'.